...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
