Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
