my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
In America we eat man semen.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
