i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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