i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
