cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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