You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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