Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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