this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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