I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
