did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
