I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
