The maid of honor just puked.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Pooping to opera.
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