Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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