ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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