he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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