census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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