I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
