Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They took my balls.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
