I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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