yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
