You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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