I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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