Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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