even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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