btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
