like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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