haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
