come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you win again, gameday.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
