UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
