She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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