Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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