what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We named our party play list daddy issues
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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