you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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