i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
