If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
