Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
