Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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