she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's like iHOP with fire
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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