Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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