I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
