Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i will never coherently bang her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
