I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
