Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
