my sisters under your porch take her home
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
