Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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