Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
