he wants to bone in the snuggie
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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