She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
