i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
