need another drink. this is the easiest way
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
