Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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